After years of trying to inculcate the values of patriotism I am sorry to inform that I have not been able to get anywhere near to that feeling. I mean you can very well make it out if I say that I am desperately waiting for my french work permit to get processed soon so that I can fly off to Paris. Well the trait of patriotism does run through the genetic constitution of my family a live example being my grandfather who was a social worker and fought an election and also his brother who joined the army and fought wars, but I guess it has happily decided to remain unexpressed in me. My idea of patriotism has not crossed its stage of infancy till date, it could be best termed as superficial. I mean I do respect the people who are there out on the borders guarding us from our hostile neighbours and I do stand in an attention position whenever the 52 second song celebrating the spirit of our country is played but beyond that I am not the one to wake up early in the morning of a red lettered day on the calendar to go to the parade ground and bath in the full glory of patriotism. It is a seperate fact that no one has actually invited me to see one in its full glory in the last 24 years of my existence. So it has been Doordarshan which has come in handy to such spectacles like the Republic Day parade.
So coming back to the topic of me being not so patriotic, post the honeymoon stage of life of school and college days of mine the national holidays have been days to sleep like a log till the sun reached midway on the firmament and possibly even extend it a bit more further. Well considering the fact that I have to wake up dot at 7 every morning to reach office by 9 to start the daily drill I guess people would be kind enough to offer me the luxury of sleeping some extra hours on such holidays. But alas fate had something else stored for me today. Dot at the unearthly hour of 8 in the morning the door bell rang. I just thought it to be some figments of my imagination of a dream where some friends were supposed to drop in for a drink and I could see myself opening the door for them. But the tung-tang drone of the doorbell still persisted and finally it got so loud and restless that I had to wake up and go and see which inhuman was asking for access waking me out of a deep REM sleep. I opened the door and there she was out of all human beings you could have expected on planet earth. Inspite of telling her not to come before the clock struck 11 on any kind of holiday she was there dot at 8 to finish off with her daily dose of cleaning the utensils (the few that we have been able to amass in the last 8 months of our existence in Bangalore), the cleaning of the rooms and the clothes. Well it is a seperate story that she bunks her daily activities with greater efficiency than my graduation day classes where attendance was never a criteria to earn grades. So there she was with a smiling face trying to gain access to the dark dingy 3 bhk that we called home for the last 8 months, so that she could make a disaster of the sleep that I was in with the innumrable clanging of the utensils and ensure that I wake up in a grumpy and sleepy mood to waste all the day. Inspite of using the four languages that I knew I was unable to make her understand about coming later in the day. And it was imminent that if I dint allow her in the house at this moment she would bunk the entire house cleaning exercise for another day. Considering the fact that the entire mass of unwashed clothes that looked like a mini mountain now would remain unclean for yet another day I decided to let her go on with her cleaning exercise after wishing any chances of an extended sleep goodbye. So here is a hitchiker's guide to managing with the obnoxious behaviour of the bai in a place like Bangalore if she does not know anything apart from the local Kannada and bunks like the one at our place.
1.Be prepared for threats at odd hours: Just like today she announced merrily that the washing powder had extinguised its stocks and she needed a refill or else I could still be sitting on the mountain of unwashed clothes. Today was not the first time for such a request which does sound like a threat. So one day I would be running around for a Rin ki Tikiya and the second day for a Jharu. So today also I had to rush out to the nearest store to get a refill of the washing powder.
2.Learn Kannada or go on speaking like aliens: Considering that the Dravidian set of languages is alien to people who have stayed all their lives in the northern part of the country it is of little surprise that communication is a big big problem. The only way out would be to learn Kannada which is a very impossible proposition if you were working in an IT company like me. So unless you are a line manager at the TVS plant in Bangalore and have mastered the language well (one of my punjabi friend actually did learn it) make sure to use all sorts of sign language to affirm and reaffirm the things that you would have stated in hindi to the bai. Well sometimes I have had this weired feeling that if I meet aliens I would be able to interact well considering the effort that I have to put in to make her understand anything.
3.Learn to live with half: Dont even expect to see all the activities being completed. So do not feel sad if the bai does not sweep or clean your room. Whenever I am not around watching like a watchdog she is bound to forget sweeping my room's floor. So either become a watchdog and keep her in close scrutiny or else learn to live with half the rooms sweeped and the other half not.
4.Turn heartless to the plight of your clothes: Seeing her wash my clothes I have really felt pity for the torture they undertake in her hands. It seems that all the fibres of the cloth rebel against the torture desperately trying to tear apart and in turn make my favourite blue shade shirt worthless. So its better to turn heartless at the inhuman torture that she inflicts on anything in the form of a cloth and only pray that they survive the torture.
5. Third Party Interference: Always seek third party interference whenever you have crucial issues to discuss like wages, the fraction that has to be cut from the wage for constantly bunking work for 20 days etc. The third party should be an interpreter who is supposed to reduce misunderstandings if any. Such a kind of misunderstanding in laying down the rules cost a lot of money to me.
I guess I can lay down 17 more points to make the work simpler for you folks but I am feeling very sleepy and it is close to 2 at night and in case she just shows up at 8 in the morning like today I would be in very bad shape to get up. So I guess I should be hitting the bed now with a prayer to lady luck to not start tomorrow with the same stroke of ill luck as I had today. And I do not want to be sleepless for her anymore.
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